I made it!!!

Yesterday was Day45.  I made it.  But it was very difficult, especially this last week.  I almost gave up several times this last week.

I received a text message on the morning of March 10 that my Opa, my very best friend in the world, was in the hospital and wasn't doing well.  See, Opa was diagnosed with cancer Dec 16, 2016, and it had spread.  But he had been fighting it fiercely.  

But the message I got had me getting my children situated and hopping in my vehicle and on my way to the hospital in less than an hour.

I spent the entire day there with much of my family.  My Opa was on pain medications much of the time.  I was grateful to have a little bit of time alone with him while he was lucid to tell him things that he already knew but I felt I just had to say.  And to hear him tell me he loved me too one last time.

I lost my Opa on Saturday evening.  I was with him when he went to heaven.  I had prayed with him just a short time earlier.  First I had prayed God would give us a miracle.  Then I prayed God would take my Opa's pain away.  I miss him terribly, but it was worse to see him suffering so.

It was a very rough week between his passing and his funeral.  I battle with depression on a regular basis as it is, but losing him sent me into a deeper than normal depression and I had difficulty with functioning as normal.  He was my person, my one to call, the one who I could talk to about anything in the world.

I stuck with my Whole45 plan because I knew Opa would want me to.  My health was important to him.  It was something we often discussed.  We would compete when he was gone for the winter to see who would lose the most weight, or who would have the most bragging rights for exercising, or who had been to the gym the most often.

So...

I kept with the plan and pushed through.  I made it all 45 days.  Since Jan 1, when I started pushing my weight loss efforts, I've lost a total of 15 pounds. 

I've had some great NSVs (non-scale victories) too! 

• I don't have heartburn all the time. 
• My hemoglobin is usually around 12.5, the minimum for donating blood.  At my last blood donation it was over 14!
• I tried on a dress for the funeral on Saturday that I've never worn - it fit.  It was a size SMALLER than I normally wear!!
• My blood pressure, which is usually normal, is even lower.
• My black yoga pants are falling down :)
• I sleep better at night.
• I have less cravings.

As of today I can add back in my grains, dairy, and beans.  Scrappy has been talking about pizza all week so he's had me craving it, so we ordered Papa Murphy's.  Unfortunately I overdid it :(   I should know with pizza.  I don't eat it very often because it's one of my foods-without-brakes.  Fortunately it doesn't happen with frozen pizza - I'm not much of a fan of frozen pizza.  And I have a plan to get back on track tomorrow morning.

My plan now is to try to stay on Whole30-plus-dairy-grains-and-beans-with-an-occasional-treat until after my surgery.  I think it would be hard to be on plan while I'm recovering from my surgery because cooking would be difficult.  I'm also hoping to get my bicycle out soon because I want to start riding it more.  Monkey likes his bike helmet now, so hopefully I can get him to ride in the bike trailer this year!

Sharks and Dragons

Day 12 of my Whole45 and I am doing well!!

OK, I am struggling a little bit.  In the bujo world (this is a little TMI) this is called Shark Week, so my Sugar Dragon is coming out and wanting to attack.  I'm a little tired and battling with a mild headache.  It started yesterday, so I went to bed early in spite of it being Valentine's Day.  I got close to 10 hours of sleep last night!! 

I was too broke to buy anything for my sweetheart, but I cooked him a good meal and gave him my first drawing that I've done. 

I can't draw to save my life, but that doesn't mean I'm not trying to learn!  He was impressed :)  He didn't believe me at first that, besides using a compass to draw the circles themselves, everything else was done freehand!!  I'm happy that he liked it!  For supper I had made Whole30 beef and broccoli except I didn't have any coconut aminos so I told everyone else to just add soy sauce to their meat.  The kids didn't like the sunshine sauce, but he and I really did!

For lunch the boys and I had made zoodles with my Veggetti.  We had gotten it at Walmart a while ago for only $7 on clearance.  I wish I would have opened it earlier - it's so easy to use!!  I cooked some chicken with garlic powder, salt and onion, then tossed to zoodles in the pan with some fat and cooked those for a few minutes, and topped them with the chicken and some tomatoes.  Soooo gooood!!

Veggetti

Zoodles with chicken and tomatoes

I know it's against the rules to weigh during Whole30, but I had an appointment with the dietitian earlier this week.  She wanted to see how I was doing with my weight loss because that was the reason I was seeing her, and we discussed W30 a lot.  I'm down 5 pounds since my last appointment with her!!!!  I told her about my plans to do Whole45 and she was fine with that.  I asked for input on doing it long term.  So we have a plan.

Long term is fine, as long as I take some breaks in between... 30-45 days on, 2-4 weeks off, reintroducing beans, grains, and dairy, then 30-45 (60/90) days on.  If I decide I want to do more than the 45 I should let her know.  Sometimes people do 60-90 days, but I'm not sure if I want to do that long.  I think doing 30-45 is a good amount of time to keep me on track and compliant.  My journal and blogging should help me keep on track too.

Emily, the dietitian, also said it's OK to break one of the rules - which isn't a food rule.  I should continue with my weekly weigh ins because I'm doing the Whole45 and because I need to get myself into a healthy weight range.  Weight actually IS an important part of this for me. 

We set a goal of another 5 pounds for my next appointment in a month.  I wasn't getting all the water I need to in each day, so that's another one of my goals, and to get my 30 minutes in 4x a week, since I'd been slacking on that.  If I can get my exercise back on track I will really be doing amazing!!

Here is my tracker from my bujo.  I really love the quote on the top:  Do not reward yourself with food.  You are NOT a dog!!

On the Mend

I broke down and went to the chiropractor yesterday.  As my luck would have it, the one I usually use is on vacation all week, so I had to try a different one.  One phone call later and I was on my way in.  Of course there is the mandatory stack of paperwork.  I don't know why they need me to repeat my address, phone number, and employment information on every single page... but 10 minutes later I was done with it.  He asked what work I've had in the past and what treatments have worked.  He did ultrasound therapy combined with an electric current therapy.  It. Was. Amazing.

Until he told me to roll over.

I had instant tears when I tried moving.  When I finally got situated, he did the first adjustment.  Then I very carefully - and tearfully - rolled to my other side so he could do another adjustment.  After that I just laid on my back for a few minutes while I caught my breath.  The pain literally knocked the wind out of me.  The doc was hopeful, though, because he said he felt and heard my back move.  I'd still have a bit of pain for a couple days, but he assured me it would be better.

Today I actually managed to walk more than a few steps without almost collapsing from pain!  I was actually able to get out of bed without tremendous effort also!  I felt well enough that I went to my TOPS meeting.  I was quite worried that, with the lack of activity this week, I would have gained.  I was almost ecstatic to find out I actually lost half a pound.  That really made my day!!

But my joy was short lived.

I picked Scrappy up from the sitter and came home.  We had 1 hour to make and eat lunch before we had to leave for preschool.  We ended up not going to preschool.  Again.  We had leftovers.  Scrappy picked what he wanted, then refused to eat any of it.  When I asked him to at least try a few bite, he began fake-coughing and gagging, then yelling that his throat hurt and his head hurt and said he was choking.  It turned into an all-out temper tantrum by the time he was done.  I was about ready to have my own tantrum after about 15 minutes of it!

About half an hour into the tantrum, he finally wore himself out and fell asleep.  I let him sleep until we had to get ready to pick Beau up from school.  Unfortunately the tantrum picked up right where it had left off.

It was just one of those days where I had to remind myself: I chose to stay home with the kids.  And I love being a mom!

Starting the Long Weekend

I've always known I'm not a morning person (really, I think mornings should start about 10 am!!) but it seems this week has been a bit worse than regular weeks.  I had thought the changes that I made would be helping the situation.  I'm still going to bed around my normal time - between 10 and 11 most nights - but in the morning I just can't seem to find enough energy to get much of anything done.  Most days I've been doing a workout of some kind, whether it is going to the gym, doing my Wii Fit (Free Step is my FAVORITE if you can't tell!), or I've also been going walking with my Opa. 

But I'm still having a really hard time sleeping.  I wake up several times at night, then in the morning I don't have any energy until around 10 or 11 and usually end up dozing off in my recliner :(  I'm tempted to talk to my doc about if I can take anything to help me sleep - just for a little while.  I'd prefer home remedies, but none of those have been working so far either.

My daughter has a 4 day weekend from school.  We've been getting a lot done today -the first day off.  The kids insisted on making me 'breakfast in bed' except I don't eat breakfast - I usually have a breakfast shake, so that's what they made for me :)  Then, being the nice mommy I am, I put them to work.

I have started an allowance system for the kids, but they have to earn the money, and they can only earn $0.50 each per day.  For Beau, she can do things like help with laundry, take out the garbage, do all her homework with out us nagging her to do it, put dishes away, and take care of the recycling.  For Scrappy, he can earn his by practicing writing his letters, doing quiet reading with me or daddy through 2 books, clean up his toys, and put the silverware away.  I give them what they've earned for the day and they each have a jar to put it in. 

Once a week, the kids have Payday and can take their money out of the jar and divide it up.  Each one has a Save, Donate, and Spend envelope.  Scrappy doesn't earn as much as Beau, so his percentages are 30, 10, and 60.  Beau is a little older and is also working on earning money through helping other people also.  I gave her a little more leeway and let her determine her amounts.  She chose 50, 10, and 40.  When they have enough in their Save envelopes, we will go to the bank to buy savings bonds.  They can choose where they would like to donate their money to.  Beau wants to donate her to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation when we do our annual Great Strides walk.  Scrappy, on the other hand, wants to use his to buy items for our local Humane Society.  (His current ambition is to be a vet.)  The kids can choose what to spend their money on, but they must discuss with us first.  Scrappy had gotten a LeapsterGS from Nana and Papa for Christmas, so he is saving for some new games for it, particularly SpongeBob.  Beau really doesn't have a goal set for hers.  She has mentioned maybe a new game for our Wii system or gift cards for her Nook that Nana and Papa got for her.

Today the kids got a little extra since I kept them busy.  We cleaned the kitchen and started on the catch-all mess in the dining room.  I let them watch a movie for a little while during lunch before we went to the store.  The lady looked at me funny since all I bought was chicken.  I couldn't turn down $0.89/lb for quarters and $1.68/lb for boneless, skinless breasts.  The breasts are for Opa and the quarters are for us.  I cooked the quarters in my roaster for a couple hours this afternoon, then the kids helped to separate the meat from the skins and bones.  That is going to be cooking overnight and part of tomorrow to concentrate it, then will go into the fridge until Monday when we do our next batch of canning.  I decided I just want to do pints since I can do either 7 quarts or 18 pints in a batch.  Easy math.  Besides, a quart of meat is too much to use at one time.

An update on my efforts:

- On my attempt at frugality:  I've been sticking with it!  I really think the meal planning is paying off.  We have NOT been eating out and all of our dinners are done at a decent time

- On my weight loss:  I am down another 1 1/2 pounds this week - yay!!  Keeping busy, walking, and no fast food has really paid off!

The kids wanted pizza tonight, so I made it work in the plan.  We had some pizza crust mixes in the cupboard, so we made pepperoni and mushroom.  I suppose it would be easiest to make a couple big pizzas, but the kids like having their own pizzas.  As a result, we end up making 4 pizzas each time.  But that's ok because everyone gets exactly what they'll eat.  Next time I'm going to try to make bread machine pizza crust.

Making Progress - and trying my hand at frugality (one piece at a time!)

It's been a busy - but productive - week here!!  The kids have been keeping me running (as usual) and I've been keeping myself running!  I've also been doing great with sticking to my resolutions!!!

At my weigh-in on Thursday at TOPS, I was down a full 3 1/2 pounds!!!!  That is about half of what I had gained in the previous 2 months!!!  Honestly, there have been no gimmicks or fad diets or anything like that.  I have a couple of friends who are also on the weight loss journey, but are doing it by taking a lot of medications.  They are losing weight, but I worry about how they will do when they stop taking the medications.

What has been working for me?  Two things, really:

1) I have been writing everything I have to eat and drink (other than water) down.  I'm not tracking quantities or calories or anything like that.  But I think just being aware of what I'm eating helps.

2) Exercise.  I've been doing something almost ever day.  I went walking with my Opa a few times.  Otherwise I have been doing my Wii Fit Step again, for at least a half an hour.  Usually while watching some show of choice, like Grey's Anatomy or something else.

I have been trying to find ways to save money for our family still.  I will be posting various things that I have been doing and how it has helped with our family.  My current projects include:

1) Finding a recipe and making homemade bread that my family likes (after some experimentation, I found my husband likes the recipe for white bread in the Betty Crocker cookbook.  I use my bread machine to make the dough, but bake it in the oven.  He didn't understand why I do that until I explained how the machine leaves a hole in the bottom.  Awesome news on the bread machine - scored it BRAND NEW a the Salvation Army for only $10!!)

2) I have been making homemade laundry soap for over a year now.  (I actually made 2 batches so I always would have some ready.  The recipe I use takes 24 hours until it's ready.  When one bucket is empty, I use the other bucket until it's about half empty, then make another batch in the empty bucket.  I like the leeway it gives me.)  I figure for each 65-load batch I make, I'm saving about $11.20 over buying scent-free, dye-free Tide and getting just as good results, if not better.  If I have a particularly soiled load of laundry, I just set my washer to "heavy duty" and that takes care of it! 

3) Finding more low cost/free entertainment for the kids.  Home Depot offers a free kids' workshop on the first Saturday of each month.  Last Saturday, Beau had to go to make a bird house for Girl Scouts, so I figured why not take Scrappy?  It was free, would teach them skills about using tools and following directions, and would keep them happily occupied for a while. I don't know why we didn't do this earlier!!  But we didn't paint them until today, and they did that at home.... (I had a bit of a headache when we were at HD, and it only got worse with all the pounding!)

She was getting a little frustrated cuz a few nails were bending.

He was so proud - all Mommy did was hold the boards and he pounded
the nails himself(and my fingers a few times!)

They like a LOT of color!

We also got a free night of BINGO last night.  Beau's school had a family night event of Burger BINGO.  

My boys at BINGO

Each person in a family gets a card to play, and each family gets one raffle ticket to start.  For your first BINGO, a family wins a complete meal (hamburgers, buns, ketchup, jello mix, apple slices, 5# bag of potatoes, can of pork and beans, and a half dozen mini Hershey's bars).  After that, a family wins additional raffle tickets.  At the end of the night, they draw for various MOA tickets and for Tiger (school) shirts.  We only won the meal, but that's just fine since they only gave out 100 of them!! (I was the mean mom who told my kids we weren't paying $1 for each slice of pizza and ice cream because we had leftovers at home.  But honestly, our family eats out waaay too much).

4) Starting a price book.  Heather highly recommends it on her site, and has proven over and over again how useful they can be. (Per her recommendation, I checked out and am enjoying a money-savings book also.  I had to get it through inter-library loan, so I have been trying to track down my own.  I found a copy online today in good shape, and should hopefully have it in about a week or so!! I will post more on the book later!)

5) I've successfully learned how to can meat and stock!!!  Found out what I was missing too - it can ONLY be done safely with a pressure cooker.  I managed it - with the help of my Opa!

Meat and stock before sealing.

I'm also keeping a list of all the books I'm reading too.  If someone were to take a look at my Kindle, they would probably laugh.  I admit, I'm a self-help-book junkie!  I'm always reading on ways to help with time management or organization or weight loss or almost anything else you could think of.  I will periodically post my take on the books I'm reading, especially if they are something I find useful!!

Back to TOPS!

So far so good with the new year!!  I have been working pretty hard on sticking to my resolutions.  Even though I haven't made it to the gym yet this year (Scrappy is still on winter break from school) I have managed to be a bit more active just here at home.  I have been making quite a bit of progress on my sorting and purging project also.  My kitchen is slowly but surely coming to order.  I'll post pictures once I get closer to being done with it.  I've been very persistent with keeping my counter tops cleaned off and getting dishes washed, which was usually something I would procrastinate on.

Yesterday I went back to TOPS for the first time in over 2 months.  I must say, in spite of everything that has happened since last time I was there, including my miscarriage the beginning of November, I'm happy to report I gained only 6 1/2 pounds where I had thought it was more like 10 or so.  I have also been recording EVERYTHING I have had to eat since Jan 1.  I'm still working on my plan to attend as many meetings as possible this year for TOPS.  We talked about officer positions, and I am the #1 choice for President.  However, I have a dilemma.  I no longer have child care for Scrappy.  My friend who had been babysitting for me has a full time job now so she can no longer watch him.  So now the search is on for a morning sitter.  I'm really hoping to get this figured out soon!!!

I'm kind of lacking in the energy department today.  I was told to "take it easy" for the next 24 hours because I donated blood last night.  My husband went with and tried donating for the first time, but unfortunately his blood pressure was a little too high, so he was rejected.  We ended up picking up supper on the way home since it took longer than we had planned.  We ended up eating out the night before too because we spent a couple hours trying to find new snowpants  and winter coats for the kids.  (Normally I pick up new coats for them in early spring when they are on clearance, but their coats were still big, so I didn't get them new ones.  Of course, they had growth spurts now and their stuff is too small :/  But their new stuff should fit this year and next too since they're each a size too big....)  Over the weekend, I need to be sure to cook healthy and plan out meals for next week.  Realistically, we could have had leftovers, but we decided dinner out was just easier (though not healthier).

I'm having some trouble explaining why we need to eat healthy to my daughter.  Beau, like most kids, would prefer chips and fries at every meal.  We got into an argument about breakfast this morning.  She asked what was for breakfast since we had muffins the last 2 mornings.  I told her there are leftover muffins, granola bars, cereal, or toast.  Of course, instead of having a granola bar, she wanted one of Scrappy's high calorie/high fat bars for breakfast.  Then she decided that if she couldn't have one, either could he.  Which started the argument about who is the parent in the house.  Hubby and I then explained to her - again - why Scrappy needs high calorie and high fat foods and she doesn't.  She is a little overweight already - not enough to be concerned about, especially since she's only 9 - but I don't want her to have to go through a lot of what I did dealing with weight problems.  If she can learn healthy eating habits now, it will help her in the long run.  I've been trying really hard to set a good example, including passing on junk food, limiting sweets, planning healthy meals, and being active.  I really don't know what else I can do to help her more....

Surviving

I survived the weekend.  It was very difficult though!  At TOPS I was down 3 pounds this week, which is encouraging.  When I see progress on the scale, I have more motivation to keep it up.  I've been trying to push myself to get more motivated and exercise more too.  

And now that I have the motivation to go to the gym, I can't.  They are closed for remodeling until Wednesday :(  And I've also found out that a friend of mine goes to the same gym, and we've been missing each other just by an hour out there.  We're going to try coordinating to go together for accountability and motivational purposes.

I have a confession to make.  I had been down a total of 27 pounds not too long after we had lost Baden.  But because of the stress and depression I've been fighting with, I have gained almost all of it back.  As of last weigh in, I am a total of 5 pounds below my starting weight at TOPS, which is my highest weight ever.  And I'm not happy about it.  I do know that being on the 'diabetic diet' does have significant weight loss effects just from when I was on it when I was pregnant.  However, unlike when I was pregnant, I have been able to incorporate exercise into the mix.

Hitting the gym has also helped to deal with more of my stress too.  All the pent-up energy from being angry or frustrated I redirect to my workout.  Since the weather is a bit cooler now, I'm going to try to get out walking in the neighborhood.  Unfortunately I won't be able to multitask and do my reading while I'm walking, so I'll have to make up for that somehow.

I've been trying to plan out my meals to help with keeping my carbs in check.  Saturday I had class and packed a lunch of stir-fried veggies and a little rice to take with me.  For supper we were invited to the campground to eat with my parents and family.  Unfortunately most of what was being served was not on my menu.  I brought my own pork chops and a summer squash since, in addition to the low carbs, the dietitian said "low salt and low fat."   They were serving ribs, corn, potatoes, and cornbread.  I can have potatoes, but I didn't realize they were being served in a creamy gravy.  I took some anyway and scraped most of the sauce off and also had a half ear of corn.  I did take a little bite off of my husband's cornbread, just so I could have a taste.

I'm very proud of myself for not giving in and breaking down.  I did it again on Sunday for lunch when we went to the family reunion too.  I'm still amazed I was able to peel off and give up my crispy chicken skin (my FAVE!!) to my husband.  A few tablespoons of tater tot hotdish, some applesauce, some musk melon.  Like I said, I'm surviving.  It's amazing how easily I've been saying no to some of the things I really love.

The hard thing to give up is my Coke.  If I don't have any, I end up with a horrid migraine.  So I've allowed a compromise:  I use one meal's carbs toward one can of Coke, usually in the morning because I have that and some eggs for breakfast.  My doc has suggested that giving up caffeine will help with my fluid retention problem.  But fall is coming and I love my coffee. I just can't bring myself to drinking decaf.  I think I should be OK as long as I don't add a bunch of carbs in sweeteners/creamers to it.  I'll have to check my Coffeemate, since I have 2 bottles of it.

I suppose - I need to try to get motivated for the day.  Scrappy has preschool orientation tonight and starts preschool on Thursday.  I need to get some laundry done, maybe throw him in the tub, and I really should get my house cleaned up and catch up on dishes.  I can't wait until we start (and finish!) construction so I have a place to actually PUT things!  And I can't wait to get my new office since our contractor has decided to put another room on the 2nd floor!!  This just isn't moving fast enough for me :(  Oh well, good things come to those who wait, right?  Right?

Progress!

Feeling a lot better!  My wonderful hubby brought home some cough drops and real Kleenex for me since my poor nose was so sore from using cheap tissues.  He let me just rest and he wrangled the kids for the night on Wednesday night. 

Even though I still had a little bit of a cough, I still went to TOPS yesterday.  I'm glad I did! I had a good feeling about the weigh in because I've been diligent about tracking everything I eat and been getting workouts in at least 4 times per week.  I aim for a minimum of 30 minutes, but have actually been getting an hour or more most days!!  There are certain show I just LOVE to watch, so I set up the Wii for Free Step and do that while I watch tv.  The maximum time it can be set for is 30 minutes, so sometimes when the 30 minutes is up, I'll reset it for another 20-30 minutes.  It must be working cuz this week I lost 3 1/2 pounds - yay!!!!

My total loss now is at 22 pounds.  The past month and a half before this hadn't been the best, but I'm back on track and hoping to be over the 30 pound mark by my 1 year anniversary with TOPS, which is March 24.  I think I can do it!!!

I've stopped using http://www.fitday.com/ because most of the food values need to entered manually and it's too time consuming trying to figure out all of the calorie counts.  A friend referred me to another website which is now in my 'favorites' bar and is an absolute necessity for me - http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ .  I love that you can join discussion boards and request friends.  It also has an extensive database of foods already entered, as well as exercises.  The daily goal already has subtracted out the calories needed for weight loss.  If you have extra calories left at the end of the day, or you 'earn' extra calories by exercising, it tells you how much weight-loss progress you would make over the next 5 weeks.  If you haven't checked it out, I highly recommend it.

I invite anyone reading this (if there is) to try out http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ for ONE WEEK and see what kinds of results it gives you!  Feel free to send me a 'friend request' (yes it's kinda like facebook in that) at mindy_shs.

And now I'm off to cram on my homework - I've been procrastinating too much on it lately, and now it's due tomorrow :(

Checking things off

Yesterday was a much more motivating day - well, at least the morning was!  As normal, I start my Thursday morning with my TOPS meeting.  I gained 1.25 lbs this week, but I guess that's not too bad considering it was over Christmas.  Coulda been worse!!!  Especially if I wouldn't have had my workouts in!  I didn't get them everyday, but did get them more often than not.  I was just a couple pounds short of my 25 pound year-end goal - I finished the year's meetings down a total of 22.5 pounds.  Not bad considering I was pregnant most of that time!  Time to think about what my goal should be for the next year since we do a 'rededication' at the first January meeting.  I definitely want to hit the 25 pound mark before my 1 year anniversary with TOPS, which is March 24 (Beau's birthday!)

**When I was getting ready to go to my TOPS meeting, I went out to start the car and realized I didn't have my Bluetooth with.  I had left it on the counter since the battery was dead.  Since I was going to be in the car, I prefer to use it so my hands are free.  I went back in the house and was looking all over the counter and couldn't find it at first.  Then I found an old key chain that had been hanging on the hooks over the counter.  The key chain was laying on my Bluetooth.  It was a Guardian Angel key chain. I think someone was leaving me a sign that he knew I was thinking of him :) **

I got a lot done yesterday too!!  I went to my favorite consignment store, where I thought I had about $6 on credit, cuz Scrappy needs another pair of jeans (I recently realized having only 1 pair of jeans is not sufficient for him since khakis don't match everything and sweatpants aren't always appropriate.)  Turns out I had over $10 - a nice surprise!  Since it is the end of the year, she cut me a check for my credits, which I used to pay for his jeans ($5 for a pair of almost new Wranglers?  Works for me!)  I made an appointment while I was there to bring some stuff in next week.  I was surprised she got me in so soon since it's normally 1-2 months out!!  She's looking for 'springtime' stuff, and will always take jeans.  Since cleaning out my storage unit, I've found a lot of clothes that didn't sell at my past garage sales.  These things would be perfect to take up there - just have to make sure they're washed first.  And she has a limit of 50 items per appointment, so once I sort through the clothes I'll have to count what I have.  I know I'll need to make an appointment to take in some summer stuff, maybe a second appointment for spring stuff and/or jeans.  My appointment is for January 5.  The Epilepsy Foundation will be picking up on January 4, so anything I'm not taking to consignment is going to them.  Hubby reminded me to go through the stuff up to 2T so that if/when we have another little one, we have some clothes for him/her.  I found a few old onesies belonging to Scraps that I'm going to hold on to.  I have an 18 gallon tote full of maternity and baby clothes along with other miscellaneous items, like bottles, liners, pumping equipment, etc. 

After the consignment shop, I headed to pay the balance on the property taxes and picked up the other 5 cans of Scrappy's DuoCal.  Went to Shopko to pick up his prescription, but turns out insurance won't cover the saline nebulizer solution.  It's only $19 for 100 vials though.  Too bad I only had $5 on me though, so I couldn't pick it up.

I called hubby as I was leaving town to see if he had plans for lunch since I was coming to town to get the kids.  He didn't so he ordered pizzas to be ready when I got to town since Grammy and Opa had treated us last week and since they had watched the kids.  I told hubby I had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon, so just asked if he stop and pick up the meds on his way home.  (As it turned out, insurance wouldn't cover mine prescription either, so they had to find a generic and order it in for next day delivery.)

I've been having a lot of pain in my side, next to where my incision is, and there doesn't seem to be any logical reason.  There's no redness and there's no actual injury (cut, rash, anything).  And I didn't know if my incision was healing since I've had a yeast infection in the skin around it.  My doc was out, so I saw is Physician's Assistant.  The yeast infection seems to be clearing up, there is one small spot on my incision that is still open, but looks ok, and he couldn't feel or see anything that would leave him to believe I had an infection.  He thinks the pain is due to nerve damage from the surgery.  We are going to try a topical cream to see if that helps.  If it doesn't, then we'll try with a pill.  I told him I just need something to get through until I have my next OB appointment at Mayo on January 10.  So we'll see what happens.  (I'll have to wait until hubby gets home though.  I have anxiety issues when driving in bad weather - it started raining about the time I went to bed last night, and now has turned to snow.  Which means the roads are slick.  And there are too many idiots out there.  He can just pick it up on his way  home - hopefully!)

By the time we got home, I just wanted to relax.  I was exhausted, but I'm sure it's because I had such awful heartburn I didn't get to bed until after 2, then Scraps woke me up at 6:30.  I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I just wish they would sleep - or at least let me sleep.  I was trying to nap while they were watching cartoons and putting puzzles together, but every time I closed my eyes, all I hear is "Mo-om!" as Beau loves to make it into a 2 syllable word. Grrr.  I didn't do anything after getting home except to make supper then lounge again in my recliner.  After hubby got home, I did nap a little bit, then read a little before heading to bed.  My whole body just ached and I didn't know why - just hoped I wasn't getting sick!!

I guess missing a workout really does show!  I didn't do my workout Wednesday because of the all the work with the freezer/refrigerator, and yesterday was too busy and I was too tired.  This morning the kids were begging to play their Monster Jams Wii game, so I figured I better get my workout done before they take over the TV.  I used it as bribery for treatments this morning too :)  So while Scrappy did his vest, I did 51 minutes on the Fit Plus - and I was sweating :)  And my body feels SO much better - especially my back!!

I need to get lunch going for the kids - we're having leftovers.  Going to make an easy supper too - a Banquet family meal we have in the freezer.  Then I can get a little more done around the house today without having to worry about making a mess or taking much time on supper.  Have a lot of sorting to do before the EF comes to pick up! (Plus, since they take stuff in garbage bags, I'll be cleaning out some totes so I have more of them to use for other things!!)

A Sign From Above

Today was a TOPS day - and the second to last weigh in for the year.  I'm in that area that is 'dangerous territory' for me.  Yeah, I gained the last 2 weigh ins before this one - a little over 4 pounds in 2 weeks.  This week I LOST 2 pounds - yay!!  As of Dec 1, I was down a total of 26.25 pounds, but I was also just back to TOPS and just starting to recover from my surgery and had dropped 20 pounds in about 2 weeks (not exactly healthy even considering I had just had a baby!!)  My goal for this year is to be at the -25 pound mark at the end of the year.  At Weight Watchers, I had a difficult time when I got close to the 25 pound mark - I kinda freaked myself out and blew it.  I don't know why.  I think maybe I'm afraid of success?  It happens often when I get close to some big accomplishment.  Self sabotage.

I haven't had the best day today, but it hasn't been the worst either.  Beau is home from school for Winter Break.  She goes back on Jan 3.  I am looking forward to sleeping in a bit.  I'm exhausted today!!  I didn't get my workout in.  I have been doing it in the morning, but this morning was too busy.  And by the time I got home this afternoon, I was too exhausted.  I guess I stayed up too late last night working :(

After TOPS, I had some errands to run before going to pick up the kids and hubby.  Then we went to the cemetery to visit our Little Warrior and to take his beautiful Christmas wreath out.  A good friend from TOPS decorated it for us.

I know he was watching over us today... he gave us a sign.  The cemetery where he is buried - near much of my family - is on it's own road on the North side of town.  The road does not lead anywhere else.  Today has been quite a cloudy day, but as we turned onto the cemetery road, the sun came out from behind the clouds.  I looked at my husband and told him that I know our Little Warrior was watching over us and knows that we were there.  In spite of the biting cold wind, the sun stayed out until we left there.  Honestly, it gave me a peace.  I know it's only his physical body there at the cemetery, but I felt a lot closer to him there.  We are going to my grandma's for Christmas Day, so we are going to stop out there to wish him a Merry Christmas too.  Here are some pictures of my angel during his brief stay here on earth....

Isn't that just the proudest looking Daddy??  I remember the look on his face very clearly when the doctor held our little guy up.... in spite of the scrubs and surgical mask (emergency c-section), I could tell my dear husband was very proud and was smiling so large.

He is my best friend and the most amazing man I could ever ask for :)  If I had to go through all of this, there's no one I'd rather have by my side than him <3

I don't know if it's because of our loss and the struggles we've been going through, or if aliens have abducted my husband and replaced him with a facsimile, or what exactly, but I'm not going to complain.  He has been a lot more attentive/cuddly/loving towards me lately.  Yeah, we snuggle at night and in the morning a little, but usually not too much.  He says he's not a 'huggy/kissy type of person."  But lately it seems he's become much more affectionate and doesn't mind PDAs as much as he used to.  Who is he and what has he done with MY husband?? haha!!  Shhh - I didn't say that!  I like it and I hope it lasts!!!

What's Next?

It's been over a month since my last entry - again.  Today marks what would have been the one month birthday of my darling baby boy.  I don't have the heart, or control of the emotions, to re-write all that has happened with my angel, but he has left us.  He is no longer in pain.  You can read his story and his battle at www.caringbridge.org/visit/BadenScot. 

My doctor has helped with getting my emotions under control with some new medications.  The anxiety and the depression are under better control - it's not easy to deal with in the slightest.  So I've decided to focus on taking care of myself more. 

I've given up on using my gym membership.  Maybe if there was a gym on this side of town, I wouldn't have as much of an issue actually GOING.  But warming up the car, driving across town and fighting traffic, just gives me another reason to procrastinate.  The time of day is another reason to procrastinate - I'd either have to go early in the morning before hubby goes to work, or at night after he gets home.  Lately he's been putting in more overtime to make up for the time he took off with my hospital stay and the funeral.  This includes working Saturdays.  He's also making up for me not working since we decided, especially with the holidays, that I'm taking off the rest of the year.  (Partly because of my surgery, partly because people just don't have the money for shows during Christmas.)  I can't take the kids with me, and I can't afford to pay for a sitter just so I can go.

I'm going to try something a little different.  My hubby got me a Wii Fit 2 1/2 years ago as a present.  I hate to say it hasn't been used as much as I had planned to use it.  I've started getting into a habit of making it part of my daily routine this past week though!!  That is my new plan - to put in 30 minutes most days of the week, if not more.  I'm on Day 5 right now and have been doing pretty good so far!!  Yesterday I also started doing the dance workout setting on the Wii using Beau's Disney Dance Dance Revolution (DDR) and the dance mat.  It gives the option of choosing to burn a certain number of calories or going for a time, and I use the time option.  15 minutes yesterday and 30 today.  The first 3 days I started with the Fit, I was doing the Fit 2 times per day.  Yesterday and today I did one workout on the DDR and one with the Fit (I only did half of my Fit workout so far - I'm going to do some more when Scraps goes down for a nap...)

So where is my weight-loss effort sitting at right now?  When Baden was born, I was still down 6 pounds from my start weight.  I went back to TOPS on Dec 1 and my loss for the day was 20 pounds.  Last week, Dec 8, I did gain back a little bit - I was up 2 3/4 pounds.  But I also wasn't eating the best and drinking a TON of Coke every day.  I'm getting that back into moderation again.  Let's see how this week goes!!

A month later?

I know it's been a while since my last entry.  It has been a difficult month.  Last month my grandpa's mother passed away while I was on vacation, shortly before that my step-father's father passed away.  My half-sister and half-brother's dad was airlifted to Rochester with a heart attack and had to have 2 stints put in about the same time that both the deaths occurred.  Then Memorial Day, step-dad was airlifted to Rochester with a heart attack and had to have a stint put in his heart.  Oh the craziness!!

Then it was my turn!  Last Saturday, June 4, I went to my all-day class.  Everything seemed fine, and I felt fine!!  After class I came home quickly to get my Pure Romance case and off I went to a show.  During the show is when my problem occurred.  We took a break about halfway through, and I excused myself to use the bathroom because I thought I was having a bladder issue.... and where I discovered it was much more than that!!  I was bleeding!!  Heavily!!!  I was so scared!!  I told the hostess (who already knew I was pregnant) and I asked a friend of mine to take me to the ER.  I left the 'samples' there for the party guests to check out and told the hostess I will be doing the orders over the phone once I got the "issue" settled.

A friend drove me to the ER and stayed there with me until hubs could get there.  He was going to bring the kids, but I didn't want to scare them, so I asked another friend (who conveniently lives across the street) if he could bring them over there, which she said was fine.  The doctor in the ER left us very little hope when she came in to examine me and took blood.  I had lost quite a bit of blood and was terrified we were going to lose the baby.  The doctor gave us very little reason to feel hopeful.  When she and the nurse attempted to find the baby's heartbeat, they couldn't find anything.  She did say it is sometimes difficult to pick up at 11 weeks.  She said she was going to have my hormone levels checked by the blood, and if they were high enough, I would be having an ultrasound.  Then she and the nurse left and we didn't see anyone for almost an hour.  The waiting was killing us, and I couldn't keep the tears back.  I could tell my husband was upset, but he was trying to stay calm to keep me calm.

Finally, an hour later, another lady came in who I presumed was another nurse.  Nope!!  It was the ultrasound tech!!  Finally we were hopeful!!  Off she took us to ultrasound, with a bathroom break along the way so the ultrasound would be "easier".  We were very excited to see our little baby on the screen!  Baby's heartbeat was 175bpm, nice and strong, and he/she was kicking little legs and waving little arms all around :)  I've never been so relieved in all my life!!

After the ultrasound, the doctor finally came back in to talk to us and said my hormone levels were well over 45,000.  Then she left.  Another nurse brought in my discharge instructions - bed rest until the bleeding stops, gradually resume activity, no lifting, no sex for 3 weeks, and follow up with my OB.  I called him on Monday and spoke with his nurse.  My bed rest lasted until Thursday, a full day after the bleeding had completely stopped.  I have my next appointment on Wednesday, June 15th, and we have our first "official" ultrasound, complete with pictures we get to keep :)  He is keeping me on the lifting restriction until at least after the appointment but it sounds like it will be a lot longer than that.  We'll just have to see what happens.  And, of course, since I was on bed rest, there was no TOPS for me on Thursday.  I called our group leader and I'm sure they understand. 

To bring my TOPS progress up to date - at my last weigh-in I was down a total of 6 3/4 pounds since I started on March 24.  I also received a prize at our last meeting - I was the contest winner for my division with the highest weight loss for last month. Yay!!  That got me a $2 bill, which I have on my fridge to remind me :)  I've been losing each week, just a little at a time - sometimes just 1/4 of a pound, but every little bit helps!!

For the time being I have also put my gym membership at Anytime Fitness on hold.  I did a 2 month hold for now, so August 7th it reactivates.  The gym manager told me I can only do a 3 month suspension.  Hopefully my doc will clear me for some light exercise before then!!!!

Much Needed Family Time

It's been over a week since my last entry....  We were on a family vacation last week :)  It was much needed!!  We left Wednesday night when hubs got home and headed out to Hill City, South Dakota.  I planned ahead and packed a lot of healthy snacks, along with a homemade trail mix that the kids seemed to enjoy.  We did a lot of walking there too, which was great as a family.  It was difficult when Scrappy decided he wanted to be carried.  Daddy carried him most of the time, though.  2 of the days we were there, the weather was crappy - rain and snow.  The other 2 days it was pretty nice - mid 50's and sunshine.

Of course, being gone, I missed a weigh in and a meeting, but it was excused.  Today I was back at the meeting, and a little nervous about how I did.  I mean, I ate pretty good most of the time we were gone, but that order of chili-cheese fries could have bitten me in the butt.  But I only ate about half of the order.  Plus we had an extra walk at the cabin, just exploring the grounds and checking out the stream.

I also rediscovered a game that I had forgotten was a very good workout - that winded me a bit and wore me down!  The game?  Tetherball!  Beau had never played before, so I got to teach her how while Scraps played on the playground equipment.  It was a lot of fun!!  Beau got mad when she accidentally got hit in the face, but she got over it.  Then she started having fun with it too :)

Well, back to the meeting.  I was nervous because I've been feeling HUGE, even though I'm only 8 1/2 weeks pregnant.  But with it not being the first baby, everything gets bigger faster.

The result?? I'm down a whole 3 pounds!! 

I have lost all the weight I gained in that one awful week of retaining water.  I'm back to a total 6 pound weight loss since I started TOPS.

Total weight gained this pregnancy?? 0 pounds.

Oh, I know I'll gain some eventually, but I'm trying to keep it from being an overwhelming amount.  Granted I had normal gains with both my other kids - 31 pounds with my daughter and 36 with my son.  My goal is to not go over 25 with this one.  I still have a few weeks until I see the doctor, so that's something I'll have to discuss with him.  With the nutritionist giving me a 15-25 pound guideline, I think that should be ok....  We'll just have to wait and see what happens!!

Here are a few pictures from our journey :)

Sabatoge?

Of course I'm a little behind with this along with everything else I'm doing.  BUT there is a good reason. 

A VERY good reason. 

And until today, I had fallen off my plan and my workouts.  Yeah the eating has been good, but not so much on the exercise.

On the April 28th weigh in I had a gain.  A horrible gain.  Ruined my losing streak.  I was drinking tons of water and unfortunately retaining all of it.

I gained 4 1/2 pounds on the April 28th weigh in, bringing my total weight loss to only 1 1/2 pounds.

The reason behind the gain????

I'm pregnant!!  Baby #3 is due on Christmas Day!!  We are so happy and excited!!

Huge amounts of nausea has kept me out of the gym - I could hardly function without feeling like I was going to lose everything I'd eaten.  Fortunately it only lasted about 2 weeks and I'm over it by now.

May 5th weigh in?  A loss of 1 1/2 pounds!! Yay!! 

I was no longer snacking and munching to combat the nausea.  I still hadn't been as active as before, but I was able to eat a lot healthier and not all the time.  I've actually gotten to the point that I can't eat much at each meal without feeling uncomfortable.  Small meals and a few snacks.

And today I got a HUGE amount of activity in.  We did the Cystic Fibrosis Great Strides walk which is a 10k walk.  The backs of my knees ache pretty good, and we had to take a few breaks on the walk, but man do I feel GOOD!!  Plus the weather was beautiful - pushing 70 degrees!!

We are getting ready to go on vacation this week - leaving for 4 days.  We went to Trader Joe's in Rochester for the first time today and picked up some freeze-dried fruit and other things for snacks.  The fruit was more reasonably priced than online.  The granola bars and cereal bars were cheaper too!!  I'm planning to make some healthy trail mix to take on the trip.  We bought some fruit and other foods to take too, so we can pack most of our meals. 

I'm trying to plan on eating breakfast at our cabin and one packed meal, and we can eat one meal out.  That will save us a lot on both money and calories. $100 for 8 meals, a whole lotta snacks, and food left over.  Considering just getting Taco Bell costs us about $25 (let alone anything at any tourist spot) I think that's doing pretty good for us...  This includes a case of water too :)  I'm determined to not let the vacation deter my efforts.  We'll be doing a lot of walking on our trip too, so that's a plus!!

Of course, how does pregnancy affect TOPS?  What are the rules?  Well, I need to get a note from my doctor to see how much weight is ok for me to gain and get it put in writing.  They've noted my pregnancy already, so gains are not counted against me.  I'm allowed to gain throughout the pregnancy and still be 'in good standing' as long as I stay within the guidelines that the doctors set for me.  I'm not sure who my doctor is going to be - I'm seeing Lombardi for now since Thorn is on leave, but may see the new doctor that starts in July.  I know Thorn's guideline is "unlimited, as long as mama and baby are healthy."  We'll see what Lombardi says.  I see him in about 5 weeks (when I'm at 12 weeks) and get my first ultrasound then.  I go back to the nurse in 3 weeks.  (Hopefully I can get the insurance figured out by then!!)

I met with the nutritionist on Monday.  Her recommendation is to gain no more than 25 pounds.  With my daughter I gained 31, with my son, 36.  But then again, with both of them I was pregnant in winter when it's so much easier to sit around and do nothing.  I'm determined to stay active this summer!!