Monday, December 31, 2012

Pain Relief!

On Friday I had gone to the dentist.  I lost a filling in one of my back teeth, and then the tooth broke even more.  I had been playing phone tag with one of the dentists in town for a while, but they stopped returning my calls.  Of course whenever I tried calling them, I always got the answering machine.  After talking to hubby, we decided I should just take a little bit of money out of our construction fund to pay for my tooth since we don't have dental insurance.  Fortunately I was able to get into a different dental clinic a few towns away.  I had been there before and they are VERY good!!  I called Friday morning and was able to get in Friday afternoon.  Because of the break, the dentist recommended I have it pulled because a crown and root canal would not have been worth the expense.

As my luck has it, I ended up getting dry socket over the weekend :(  That made for a very crabby mom considering it acted up the worst at night, so I got very little sleep.  This morning I called at 8:02am and was able to get in at 9!!  I checked in and had literally just sat down when the nurse called me back.  Of course it hurt like crazy when the dentist stuck the packing in my socket - it's basically gauze with medication on it and a wire running through it.  But after a little bit, the pain started to dull.  Now I can barely feel it.  I have to go back on Wednesday to have the packing removed and to see if it needs to be repacked.  I was told it is possible the packing may fall out in the meantime, but hopefully it doesn't!!

I still can't believe the year is over!!!  In another month or so, hopefully the addition will be done.  A couple friends of mine said if I provide beverages, they would come over to help paint.  (I think that's why hubs said we should paint before we put the flooring or trim in! haha!)





There's not a lot to see on the inside yet.  The bathroom, closet, and half wall are framed, but I don't have pictures of all that yet.

I am also looking for more ways to save some money this year.  I have been reading a few blogs.  This one is by far my favorite for ideas and inspirations for everything and anything you can think of!  I also like what I've found on this one so far too.  It helps to break the daunting tasks associated with minimalizing into small steps to add into your daily routine.

Well, since it IS New Year's, I suppose I need to get ready to celebrate with my munchkins.  They just informed me they are having a slumber party in the living room :/  I told them they needed to clean up the living room before we do anything.  Daddy is on snack duty and is hitting up the store for some sparkling grape juice and chips for the kiddos, and hopefully bringing home a bottle of wine for us to share.

Have a safe and happy New Year!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Another Year

As the year is coming to a close, I look back and came to a realization.  I really didn't do anything this year.  Nothing memorable really.  Basically a year wasted away, days blurring into one another. 

I'm back where I started with my weight loss.  I haven't been to TOPS in 2 months because lack of motivation and because I don't want to deal with one of the nasty old ladies there.

There have been a lot of decisions made.  Now actions need to be taken on the decisions. 

Our house is currently under construction, as we are adding on to the back of the house.  But I don't want the new part to be overrun with junk and crap.  All the chaos has been greatly contributing to my anxiety.  That is why I have taken a little time to find some 'tools' to help me control the chaos.  I'll share more on the specific websites as I apply some of the methods, and report on the effectiveness of the methods.  I know, not everything works for everyone.  I need to figure out what works for me.

Since tomorrow is New Year's Eve, I've already made a list of what my resolutions are for the new year.

1) I am going to give myself designated time to update my blog at least 2x per week.

2) I am going to have office hours at least 1x per week so I can get some work done with my businesses.  Even if it is just filing or sending emails!

3) I'm going to focus more on my weight loss.  I have 3 steps to this:
  1. Going back to TOPS weekly - even if it's only for weigh in and I can't stay for the meeting
  2. Tracking all of my food and water (since I know I don't drink enough water)
  3. Do some sort of exercise every day, even if I can't get to the gym
4)  Organize and PURGE - get rid of stuff!!!  I am already starting on this one.  I have a box started for garage sale stuff, a box for the Epilepsy stuff, and a tote with clothes for my favorite consignment store (the last time I bought stuff there, I paid $0.13 for 2 pairs of like-new jeans for Scrappy since I had money on account from previous sales.)  I've also learned what items she likes, so when I took the last batch in, she kept it all :)  I will definitely be posting pictures!!

5) Spend a little more Me-Time - I want to set up morning and evening routines for myself because a lot of days, my personal stuff is waylaid because of something or another of the kids'. 

The dishes are calling my name and the cupboards aren't emptying themselves.... so onward I go!

Monday, September 10, 2012

Surviving

I survived the weekend.  It was very difficult though!  At TOPS I was down 3 pounds this week, which is encouraging.  When I see progress on the scale, I have more motivation to keep it up.  I've been trying to push myself to get more motivated and exercise more too.  

And now that I have the motivation to go to the gym, I can't.  They are closed for remodeling until Wednesday :(  And I've also found out that a friend of mine goes to the same gym, and we've been missing each other just by an hour out there.  We're going to try coordinating to go together for accountability and motivational purposes.

I have a confession to make.  I had been down a total of 27 pounds not too long after we had lost Baden.  But because of the stress and depression I've been fighting with, I have gained almost all of it back.  As of last weigh in, I am a total of 5 pounds below my starting weight at TOPS, which is my highest weight ever.  And I'm not happy about it.  I do know that being on the 'diabetic diet' does have significant weight loss effects just from when I was on it when I was pregnant.  However, unlike when I was pregnant, I have been able to incorporate exercise into the mix.

Hitting the gym has also helped to deal with more of my stress too.  All the pent-up energy from being angry or frustrated I redirect to my workout.  Since the weather is a bit cooler now, I'm going to try to get out walking in the neighborhood.  Unfortunately I won't be able to multitask and do my reading while I'm walking, so I'll have to make up for that somehow.

I've been trying to plan out my meals to help with keeping my carbs in check.  Saturday I had class and packed a lunch of stir-fried veggies and a little rice to take with me.  For supper we were invited to the campground to eat with my parents and family.  Unfortunately most of what was being served was not on my menu.  I brought my own pork chops and a summer squash since, in addition to the low carbs, the dietitian said "low salt and low fat."   They were serving ribs, corn, potatoes, and cornbread.  I can have potatoes, but I didn't realize they were being served in a creamy gravy.  I took some anyway and scraped most of the sauce off and also had a half ear of corn.  I did take a little bite off of my husband's cornbread, just so I could have a taste.

I'm very proud of myself for not giving in and breaking down.  I did it again on Sunday for lunch when we went to the family reunion too.  I'm still amazed I was able to peel off and give up my crispy chicken skin (my FAVE!!) to my husband.  A few tablespoons of tater tot hotdish, some applesauce, some musk melon.  Like I said, I'm surviving.  It's amazing how easily I've been saying no to some of the things I really love.

The hard thing to give up is my Coke.  If I don't have any, I end up with a horrid migraine.  So I've allowed a compromise:  I use one meal's carbs toward one can of Coke, usually in the morning because I have that and some eggs for breakfast.  My doc has suggested that giving up caffeine will help with my fluid retention problem.  But fall is coming and I love my coffee. I just can't bring myself to drinking decaf.  I think I should be OK as long as I don't add a bunch of carbs in sweeteners/creamers to it.  I'll have to check my Coffeemate, since I have 2 bottles of it.

I suppose - I need to try to get motivated for the day.  Scrappy has preschool orientation tonight and starts preschool on Thursday.  I need to get some laundry done, maybe throw him in the tub, and I really should get my house cleaned up and catch up on dishes.  I can't wait until we start (and finish!) construction so I have a place to actually PUT things!  And I can't wait to get my new office since our contractor has decided to put another room on the 2nd floor!!  This just isn't moving fast enough for me :(  Oh well, good things come to those who wait, right?  Right?

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

A whole new life...

is going to be starting tomorrow.  I went to meet with the dietitian today.  Exactly what I thought would happen was confirmed. 

I got a phone call from the doctor's office last night.  When he ordered the blood draw, they measured my A1C, which has to do with blood glucose.  My results came back at 6.1, which they told me is at the top of the normal range. 

Today the dietitian told me that it puts me into the classification of 'pre-diabetic.'  I already knew that my chance of Type 2 is higher because of having gestational diabetes with my last pregnancy.  Now, being pre-diabetic, I'm back on the diabetic diet.

Except it's not a diet.

It's a permanent change.

Goodbye pasta, mac and cheese, and instant mashed potatoes :(  Only a total of 45 g of carbs allowed per meal.  But the carbs add up quick, considering there are carbs in milk.  I need to start looking up recipes that are low carb/no carb.  This is going to be HARD!!!  And giving up most of my soda too!  Just one can a day.... better start stocking up on the Mio and generic brands of it too!!  (Can't have Crystal Light cuz it has aspartame, which gives me migraines.)

Well, gotta get some homework done now.  Did some canning today - 21 quarts of spaghetti sauce!  Lots more tomatoes to do tomorrow after TOPS too!!  Gonna be a BUSY day :)

The End of Summer

Today marks the first day of school here.  I don't know where the summer went, but it seems it went by too fast.  It's also canning season.  We seem to have more tomatoes this year than we did last year, and unfortunately I am low on jars and on freezer space, so freezing isn't an option.  I've put off doing any more applesauce for a while because we have been doing salsa and one batch of spaghetti sauce (so far).  Use up what we raise before we do what we buy, right?

I finally went to the doctor last week - saw a new one since I'm not too happy with my normal one.  He hasn't been listening to me, which is what a doctor is supposed to do.  I explain why I'm there, and he only addresses one concern and sends me on my way.  This one listened and addressed my concerns.  One was about my blood pressure since the last 2 times I was in the ER it was higher than normal.  He recommended I meet with a dietitian, which I already have an appointment scheduled for.  He also recommended I ease up on both caffeine and salt.

I can't believe I just sent Beau off to 4th grade!  She is growing up way too fast.  She decided she was ready for a new style, so last week she had her hair cut SHORT.  I think it looks really cute on her - she looks like a pixie :)




Next week my Scrappyman will be starting preschool.  We have orientation on Monday, then he starts next Thursday.  I can't believe he's already 4!!  Where has the time gone?!?!? (He thinks he's old enough to shave, too, since his uncle bought him a play shaving kit.)



Friday Scrappy had a doctor's appointment.  After his appointment, we went for lunch, then Daddy went to get some ink done and I took the kids to Silver Lake Park to chase the geese for a while.  The geese are pretty aggressive and kinda scary!! 


His 4th rose for Cystic Fibrosis - one for each birthday Scrappy has

Saturday we took the kids to the Minnesota Zoo as our last "hoorah" before school started.  The dolphins are going to be leaving next week, so we got to see them one last time.  They have a new penguin exhibit, which we liked.  Scrappy loved it too because one of the penguins was chasing his shoe laces along the side of the glass.  It was super cute!!  There is a new black bear exhibit that is in the works and not open yet, but we could see the black bear behind one of the other cages.

I'm starting to wonder if Scrappy doesn't get motion sickness.  Most of the time he does pretty good in the car, but when we went to St Cloud, several times when we've gone to Rochester, and on Saturday when we went to the zoo, he got sick in the van.  This time he did have a fever when we got home, which lasted through Monday, but not the other times.  I'm going to ask about that next time I talk to his nurse...  As a result of his fever, we spent the rest of the long weekend just hanging out...

Monday, August 20, 2012

Feeling good!

First time in over a year that I've had a gym workout!  Since management changed at Anytime Fitness, I decided to give them another chance and renewed my membership.  They also gave me 3 free months because of all the crap the previous manager put me through.  I renewed it almost 2 weeks ago, but of course, I ended up hurting my back the next day.  Last Friday I was feeling pretty ambitious and told myself that I was either going to the gym or going for a bike ride.  I should have chosen the gym!!

I don't know how, but I managed to convince my husband to go with me and the kids.  I thought maybe we should ride to the grocery store, but he said let's just go to the gas station - baby step since I have only ridden bike once or twice in the last 10 years.  Plus I had Scrappy riding in the bike trailer behind me.  I wish someone would have reminded me that I live on TOP of a hill - I admit I had to stop a few times on the way there and on the way home.  My tops of my knees hurt the whole time we were riding, and my butt hurt for a few days afterwards.  But that's ok - I got quality time with my family while getting a good workout!!

Tonight I forced myself to go to the gym.  Yes, the word is FORCED because I just had to do it.  I think about it and think about it.  No more thinking - just DO it.  (Yeah, Nike, right?? lol!)  It wasn't as hard to get back into it as I had thought.  I wish I would have paid a little more attention when I went to sign up because I didn't notice there were new machines and I'm not familiar with all of them.  I'm sure with a little time I can figure them out.  I tried doing a few 'torso rotations' since it works the abs and back, but I could feel some pulling in my lower back and hip area, so I kept that at a minimum.  The elliptical is my cardio machine of choice - it's a lot easier on the knees.  I wish it had a pause feature though.  I was almost 15 minutes into my workout when I dropped my towel - I stopped to pick it up, and the machine had shut down.  I think some of them do have that feature, but not the one I happened to be on.  So I started it up again, programmed a set time of 30 more minutes, and off I went.  I checked my heart rate on the handles every few minutes to keep it in the 'cardio' range.  I was around 154-157 most of the time, which is at the top end of the cardio range for my specifics, but it's ok with me.

I don't think I'm going to be hitting the gym tomorrow because we have one-day camp for Girl Scouts.  I'm one of the camp counselors.  I'm hoping to get some hiking in to make up for the gym.  It shouldn't be too bad.  I just hope my efforts pay off on the scale this week.

I'm also done with school for a whole 2 weeks.  Just in time for canning season.  Beau and I both start school Sept 4, and Scrappy starts preschool on Sept 13.  It's going to be here before we know it!!

Here's a cute pic of Beau riding horse at camp :)

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Separation Anxiety

Today I took Beau to her first sleep-away camp.  She has stayed overnight with family members for a few days at a time, but never with anyone who wasn't family.  Today she left for a 4-day horse camp for Girl Scouts.  I have been worried because as far as we knew, none of the other girls from our troop would be going.  She has been worried about making new friends.  I told her I didn't think she'd have much trouble and maybe she'll even make a few friends who would want to become pen pals!

After getting her registered, Beau and I went to drop off her stuff in her cabin and drop off some money at the 'trading post' (camp store).  When she walked into her cabin, the first girl she saw just happened to be one from our troop!  So now she actually KNOWS someone there.  Not that the two of them get along particularly well - as a matter of fact, this particular girl grinds on my every nerve - but maybe they'll become friends at camp.  We went to the trading post and Beau picked out a couple patches for her Junior vest - one is for First Time Camp Out (for GS), another is Camp Like a Girl, and the third is for attending that particular camp.

By the time I left, she was doing pretty good.  She had changed into her swimming suit and was heading off to the pool with the other girls from her cabin.  I left a letter with her camp counselor to be delivered tonight if she has separation anxiety, or tomorrow if not.  She was also supposed to be getting a care package tonight that Daddy sent in for - it's a t-shirt, jump rope, cinch sack, journal, and a few other things.  I'm hoping she does well.  She already told me she wants to go to the 13 day horse camp next year.  I told her we need to see how she does this year first.

I must admit, I'm excited to hear all about her time at camp and look forward to getting her camera developed when she gets back!!  I'll have to post some pictures :)

Saturday, August 11, 2012

First touches of fall

We started canning this week already.  I went to the cabin after TOPS to help Opa with a batch of salsa.  Well, I helped the best I could.

I woke up with a little bit of back pain.  Back pain isn't all that odd for me since my car accident in 1999, and it's not uncommon for me to knock it out of whack.  Well, that seems to be what I did because by the time we were done with lunch, I would almost black out from the pain.  I didn't dare go in to the doctor until after hubby got off work because I wouldn't be able to wrangle both kids while talking to the doc.  I hung out at the cabin, sitting on the stool to stir the salsa and chopping veggies at the table.  We got 34 jars done!  On Monday, Opa is going to help me with my first batch of applesauce for the year.

When hubby got off work, I followed him home so we could drop off the truck before we went to the hospital.  By that time our only option was the ER since Urgent Care was already closed.  We were only there about half an hour, which is almost unheard of!  The doc diagnosed me as having "chronic back pain" since it's an ongoing issue.  He sent some meds out for me to get at the pharmacy, which seem to be helping.  Prednisone and 800 mg ibuprofen for the swelling and the pain, flexeril for the muscle spasms that about knock me out.  And of course the horrible recommendation of bed rest.  I have WAAAYYYY too much to do to be on bed rest!!

Beau had gone to spend the night at my uncle's house last night, so I had to run up and get her this morning.  Tonight she had to pack for the next few days because she's leaving tomorrow for Girl Scout camp.  She'll be gone for 4 days and 3 nights and it going to be 2 hours away.  None of the other girls from our troop are going to this one as far as we know.  It will be a good opportunity for her to meet new friends.  I just hope she doesn't get scared....

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Recipes - P4

Lo-Cal Chicken and Dumplings (8 servings, 272 cal per serving)
(I got the calorie count by entering the recipe into http://www.myfitnesspal.com/)

Ingredients:
Soup:
6 cups homemade turkey stock
3 split chicken breasts
3 cups water
2 cups frozen peas & carrots
3 tbsp corn starch mixed with 1/2 c water
salt and pepper to taste

Dumplings:
1 1/2 c flour
1 tbsp baking powder
3/4 tsp salt
3/4 c 2% milk
3 tbsp veg oil

Directions:
Add stock, water, and chicken to a large pot. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer 45 minutes. Remove from heat. Remove chicken, allow to cool enough to handle (I stuck it in the freezer about 10 minutes). Remove meat from skin/bones, chop meat into bite-sized pieces. Discard skin and bones. Return chicken to stock and heat to boil. Add frozen peas and carrots. Return to boil about 5 minutes. Add corn starch mixture, reduce to simmer. Simmer 10 minutes, stirring frequently.

While the soup is simmering, in a medium bowl, combine all dry dumpling ingredients thoroughly. In a separate small bowl combine all wet dumpling ingredients. Make a well in the middle of the dry ingredients, add the wet mixture, and stir just until moistened.

Drop dumplings by spoonful into soup. After adding all dumpling mixture, cover the pot and simmer about 12 minutes, until dumplings are done.




Crock Pot Maple Ribs
INGREDIENTS:
1 1/2 pounds country style pork ribs
1 tablespoon maple syrup
1 tablespoon soy sauce
2 tablespoons dried minced onion
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 dash ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS:
1. Combine ribs, maple syrup, soy sauce, minced onion, cinnamon, ginger, allspice, garlic powder and pepper in a slow cooker. Cover and cook on Low for 7 to 9 hours.


Loaded Nachos
tortilla chips
refried beans
salsa con queso or nacho cheese
chopped tomatoes
chopped lettuce
shredded cheese
sliced black olives
sour cream
guacamole

Heat beans until warm/hot on stove or in microwave.  Heat salsa con queso or nacho cheese in microwave or on stove until hot and runny.  Lay tortilla chips out on plate.  Top with refried beans.  Drizzle on salsa con queso.  Top with additional toppings (lettuce, tomato, salsa, sour cream, guac, olives, etc) and serve!  My kids LOVED it!!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Fair Week

I still haven't figured out why it's the "6 best days of summer" because honestly I could do with only 3 days, but  it is what it is.  I'm sitting out here, in the heat and humidity (which is actually kinda low on both aspects right now) trying to make contacts, trying to talk to people, trying to expand on my business.  


It's fun seeing some friends I haven't seen in a while.  Honestly there are a few people I've seen that I'd rather avoid, but that hasn't been too much of a problem either.  I had debated if it would be worth the expense of spending all week at the booth and paying out for it, but I'm at a point that I'm not sure what else to do to make new contacts.  So here I am!!!


My display actually looks pretty good







and my husband was pretty creative at setting up a display for my wall hangings.




Who would have thought some shelves set up on end would work to display pictures?  Just zip-tied them together and voila!


My hubby is bringing the kids out tonight.  We usually make the kids save up their own money to use at the fair, but this past year has been quite the exception to the rule.  I picked up some discounted wrist band passes for them.  Fortunately we don't have to worry about paying to get into the fair, though, because I get a couple Exhibitor passes that cover one adult admission plus parking.  They seem to cover the kids too, since we've never been charged for them.  Otherwise I'm not sure we'd be coming out this year.


It looks like we're going to be doing some demo in the very near future.  I talked to our contractor, and the trusses are ready (finally!), so he'll be starting soon.  I can't wait to finally have an office area!!  Beau is excited about her new room, of course.  And I'm sure Scraps is going to love all the new area to play in.


My homework is calling - I'm trying to take advantage of the quiet study time I have in between customers (it's pretty slow during the day).





Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Where Has Summer Gone?

It's hard to believe that it's almost August!!  This has been one heck of a summer - there hasn't been a week gone by that we haven't had something going on.  That's not necessarily a bad thing.  The kids have been busy making memories and Mommy has (mostly) been able to be there for it all.  There have been a few conflicting events - like when Beau had baseball practice and Scrappy had soccer practice at the same time, but we got to see the end of her practice.

The best news:  the life insurance realized they were at fault, and paid the full amount of Baden's life insurance policy!  It only took me calling a lawyer for some advice and finding out if they didn't honor it, it would be breach of contract and we'd get a lot more than the amount of the policy.

We've also decided to add on to our house.  This has been in process for several months.  We closed last Wednesday, so now we're just waiting on our contractor!  Our home currently is about 890 square feet.  Our addition will be 500 square feet - doubling our main floor!!  I'll finally have an area to do my work and my studying in!  And the kids will have separate bedrooms.  And we'll have a second bathroom!  It's just a half bath, but it's still another bathroom!! :)

In spite of the extremely hot summer we've been having, the kids have been busy! What have they been doing?  Well they have...


spent a day at 'Art In The Park' doing free arts, crafts, tie-dying, face painting, and watching a puppet show,



picked out a memorial tree for Baden that will go next to the new patio,


won second place overall for the season playing baseball,


went fishing with Mommy and Daddy,


went fishing and out on the boat with Opa,


helped Mommy plant a garden,


rode bike in a kiddie parade,



went to summer preschool....


and the end-of-preschool party,


 had a party (I LOVE this expression!!)


to celebrate Scrappy's birthday,



played soccer,


went to see Monster Trucks two weekends in a row


and got the drivers' autographs!!

We have one of our many family reunions this weekend, along with a Zombie Pub Crawl for Cystic Fibrosis that our group is organizing (can't wait to share those pictures!), and then the fair starts on July 31.  I will have a booth there to try to help promote my business.   Beau is planning to come with me a couple days to help out.  Just trying to make sure I have someone to watch Scrappy cuz it will be WAY too hot out there for him!!

And - as if I haven't had enough going on, I just enrolled at Walden University and started on my MBA on June 25!!  I am doing a double major "self-designed" program - Leadership, and Project Management.  I'm considering getting a tablet to make it easier to study on the go instead of having to haul my laptop everywhere.  Just gotta decide which one....

Going to post pictures of the house before and after the construction too!!  Contractor says it's only going to take about 1 1/2 months - yay!!!!!

Monday, April 30, 2012

The Breaking Point

I think this is the point I'm starting to get to.  Not because of anything I did, though, or because I over committed.  Because of the frikken insurance company.

If they're going to deny Baden's life insurance claim, I wish they'd deny it already instead of dragging it out for so long.  I swear the woman from the company has absolutely NO compassion. 

How many times can they expect me to be able to tell and retell the events that happened that week?  How many times to I have to recount what I went through losing my son?  What kind of sadists are they when, 5 months later, they're still making me tell and retell everything that has happened with him??  They obviously have no clue the emotional toll this takes on a mother!!  They want to talk to my husband too, so he can tell them the same flippin thing I've been telling them for the last 5 months.

I swore I would keep my blog clean, so I am trying so hard not to swear up a storm right now!

My wonderful husband was not happy that the insurance lady made his wife cry.  Or of the many accusations that the insurance lady made.  He called, ready to rip her a new one, only to find out that she had left the office for the day.  She told me she wouldn't be in until after noon, but the secretary told my husband she would be there at 8 am.  He said she won't have a chance to even set down her cup of coffee and he'll be down her throat. 

I must say, I love it when my husband goes all pit-bull protective of me.  It's not something I've ever been used to before - most guys I'd dated in the past just let me fight my own fights.  Including my ex-husband.  But that's why they're just that - exes. 

I am emotionally drained - I am worn out.  I'm doing my best to keep my head above water, but I don't know how many more straws can be piled on the camel's back.

Gotta just keep reminding myself to keep breathing....

This too shall pass....

I'm getting a headache :(  I hope that decides to pass as well!!!!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

My Crazy-Busy Life

I really don't know what I would ever do if I wasn't so busy all the time.  Have I mentioned lately that in addition to all my normal hecticness, I've added "Girl Scout Troop Leader" to my many credentials and time commitments?  If I'm going to be taking my daughter there and back anyway, and I wanna spend more time with her, why not?  I'm a Cadette leader and tomorrow she is taking the huge step of bridging from being a Brownie to a Junior! Yay Beau!!  I will definitely have to post some pictures!!  I know she's not under me yet, but we still get to go to all the events together, and have a lot of fun doing it!!  After tomorrow's ceremony (which our Troop Leader so sweetly convinced me to develop/write/orchestrate) we have our end of year trip on May 20, and maybe we'll plan a summer activity.  We'd really like to do some camping, which will serve dual purpose because my girls can earn badges doing that.

I'm almost done with school for this semester.  With all the chaos of my Scrappy losing insurance, and the endless meetings we've been going through, and the endless stacks of paperwork (not to mention how horribly far behind I've gotten with my housework!!!) I had to drop a couple classes, so I won't graduate until fall now.  I have one more class this semester and that will be the end of May, which isn't so bad.  It's only 3 days.

Then there's my business.  It's slowing down a little bit again - which is a HUGE frustration.  I'm hoping to come up with enough money to be able to do the fair this year, which would help me to get a lot more leads.  I'm looking for the chance to attend any events coming up soon to help get my name out again too!!!

And the walk.  This will be my family's 4th year participating in the walk.  Great Strides for Cystic Fibrosis, that is.  It used to be a 10k, but now is a 5k.  You can learn more about why we walk by visiting www.cff.org/great_strides/  We only have 1 week until the Walk - May 5th.  Unfortunately I'm a little out of practice and need to get my butt moving again... I've kinda been slacking on the workouts, but I haven't been feeling so wonderful - not to mention the S.T.R.E.S.S.!!!!!

Hopefully the stress will lessen soon... we got Scrappy's TEFRA application turned in with all the paperwork.  Too bad the life insurance company is still fighting us.  I need to call the information desk at the hospital again to see what the status is from them.  I told my hubby I think we need a lawyer.  I'm going to call and make an appointment with Legal Aid on Monday.

Here's a picture of my cutie with his bear.  He thought the bear needed to wear some big-boy underpants too :)

Have you ever seen a bear, wearing underwear, down by the bay? lol!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Exhaustipated

I wish I could take credit for that brilliant little word, but I found it on Facebook yesterday - and quite fitting.  I've been up every night, coughing up a lung from some postnasal drainage, so my AMAZING husband decided to let me get some much-needed rest.  I went to bed at 9:30 last night - and didn't get up until 10:30 this morning!!  Needless to say we missed church, but I can definitely say I feel a WHOLE LOT better!!

The last few months have been quite busy and many things have been going on... I'm still trying to sort it all out.  I've met with the counselor at my school a few times.  I've found out that I don't have a fear of failure, but I do have a fear of success.  Who would've thought?  Which explains why I have trouble finishing things I start.  And why I procrastinate on some things.  Or commit self-sabatoge.  Like with Weight Watchers before and TOPS now... I was doing so well, and now I've started backsliding again, making excuses and getting lazy about what I SHOULD be doing.

I've checked a few things off my list, though, with the help of the counselor.

I've applied to Walden University for my Master's degree - MBA self-designed with focus on Project Management and Leadership.

I've also taken the first steps towards becoming truly self-employed.  Actually, I have my first consult with a client tomorrow.  I figured out what I want to do and how I can help people.  My business is to help people get their homes - and their lives - organized and under control.  Each client is like taking on a new 'project.'  I'm pretty excited!!!  I need to come up with a business name though.....

I had to push back my AAS degee completion to next semester now, though.  With Scrappy losing his insurance, I've been extremely overwhelmed with the amount of paperwork I need to do to try to get him on disability.  As a result, I've let a couple classes slide.. and now will need to retake them later :( 

I'm still kinda tired today.... thinking I should go to bed.  Hopefully I have the time (and energy) to update more soon!!!!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Test Results

I went in for my 'annual checkup' last week.  On Friday, I had to go back so I could have a fasting blood test done.  I got a call yesterday morning with the test results.

Not good.

My thyroid levels are low - again.  My doc did send in for a new dosage, so we'll see if that helps.  My good cholesterol is too low, my bad cholesterol and trygs are too high, and my blood sugar is high.  Everything is "just a little" high or low.  According to the nurse practitioner who I'd had my appointment with, most of these issues can be caused just by my thyroid being off.  It could also explain why my anxiety attacks have been more frequent

It's frustrating, especially since losing weight is supposed to help get the numbers back in check.  Even my bp was up a little more than usual at my appointment.

I go back to see my family practice doc in 2 weeks to see if the thyroid meds are helping enough and to determine what to do next.

I'm hoping for another good number at TOPS this week since I'm still being pretty good about watching what I'm eating.  I need to get back to exercising a little bit more than what I have been this past week even though I haven't felt up to it much (another side effect of my thyroid - fatigue).  Last week I dropped 4 1/4 pounds - bringing me back up to a 26 pound loss since I joined last year.  I'm aiming for 30 pounds total by my 1 year anniversary **fingers crossed**

Saturday, January 28, 2012

CRAM SESSION!!

Yes, it's 3:30am and I am blogging.  Why, you may ask?

Cuz I'm a horrible procrastinator.

You'd think since I took a class specifically about time management, I'd be able to apply some of those skills.  But instead, I make notes for 2 weeks on what my project for my Project Management course is going to be, then spend the entire day (and night!) before it's due plugging away and finishing it.  It's looking amazing, but still...  I have to be sure not to do this with my next project (which I haven't started, but isn't due until March, and we haven't gotten the details on it yet)!!

I'm just taking a little break and letting my mind rest a moment.  It's not like I haven't slept.  I went to bed at 1015 and asked my hubby to set the alarm for midnight so I could get a short nap in.  Maybe if I get my powerpoint done and the paper itself thrown together I can get another nap in before my 8am class. (Yes, a Saturday class, but I'm done by 2 and it's only 2 days total.)

I'm thinking maybe some coffee or a snack would be good... just wondering how I'm gonna count my calories for this, being up all night, and not getting a workout in yesterday since I spent all day glued to my text book (when I wasn't doing this, that, and the other for Scrappy man.  For the most part he was content, though, because I let him play Monster Jams on Wii after watching cartoons for a while.) 

Well, time to get back at it!! :)

Friday, January 27, 2012

Progress!

Feeling a lot better!  My wonderful hubby brought home some cough drops and real Kleenex for me since my poor nose was so sore from using cheap tissues.  He let me just rest and he wrangled the kids for the night on Wednesday night. 

Even though I still had a little bit of a cough, I still went to TOPS yesterday.  I'm glad I did! I had a good feeling about the weigh in because I've been diligent about tracking everything I eat and been getting workouts in at least 4 times per week.  I aim for a minimum of 30 minutes, but have actually been getting an hour or more most days!!  There are certain show I just LOVE to watch, so I set up the Wii for Free Step and do that while I watch tv.  The maximum time it can be set for is 30 minutes, so sometimes when the 30 minutes is up, I'll reset it for another 20-30 minutes.  It must be working cuz this week I lost 3 1/2 pounds - yay!!!!

My total loss now is at 22 pounds.  The past month and a half before this hadn't been the best, but I'm back on track and hoping to be over the 30 pound mark by my 1 year anniversary with TOPS, which is March 24.  I think I can do it!!!

I've stopped using http://www.fitday.com/ because most of the food values need to entered manually and it's too time consuming trying to figure out all of the calorie counts.  A friend referred me to another website which is now in my 'favorites' bar and is an absolute necessity for me - http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ .  I love that you can join discussion boards and request friends.  It also has an extensive database of foods already entered, as well as exercises.  The daily goal already has subtracted out the calories needed for weight loss.  If you have extra calories left at the end of the day, or you 'earn' extra calories by exercising, it tells you how much weight-loss progress you would make over the next 5 weeks.  If you haven't checked it out, I highly recommend it.

I invite anyone reading this (if there is) to try out http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ for ONE WEEK and see what kinds of results it gives you!  Feel free to send me a 'friend request' (yes it's kinda like facebook in that) at mindy_shs.

And now I'm off to cram on my homework - I've been procrastinating too much on it lately, and now it's due tomorrow :(

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Taking a Sick Day...

I know.  Mommies don't get sick days.  But I'm still trying.  Taking it easy and letting things around the house slide today.  It started with a cough and little bit of a stuffy nose last night.  This morning I woke up with a horrid sinus headache, coughing, sneezing, and completely stuffed up.  I took a couple ibuprofen, but that didn't help much.  I even tried my netipot, which almost always takes care of it, but not today :(

After dropping Beau off at school, Scrappy and I came home and I turned on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for him.  I set him up with some cereal (which he will only eat dry - if I put milk on it, he refuses!) and his PediaSure, and he let me doze in the recliner until that was over.  I turned on Umizoomi after that, and he went back to playing with his monster trucks and watched that while I dozed a little more.

This afternoon he's getting a little crabby and restless.  He keeps asking when Beau is going to be home and insists that we go get her now!  She'll be out of school soon, so he'll have someone to play with. I'm hoping he takes a nap after we get home.  I had to wake him up from his nap early yesterday so we could go pick Beau up, and Scrappy was not a happy camper for the rest of the night.  He threw a complete tantrum in the car, all through the grocery store, and back at home again.  I really wish I could let him go outside to play, but he's supposed to be taking it easy for another week still.  As it was, his tantrum caused his nose to start bleeding again.

I'm hoping to get another nap in too.  I cheated for lunch and just made a can of soup for me, and a pb sandwich for Scrappy.  Tonight's supper is just going to be leftovers since hubby is working late.  Scrappy doesn't eat much anyway, and Beau is pretty happy with a can of spaghetti-o's.

I am really hoping this cold doesn't last long :(  Hubby is bringing home more kleenex and cough drops for me tonight.  I'll be fine as long as I don't run a fever - if I do, then I'll have to go in and get checked since we don't need Scrappy getting sick!!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Finally winter? and Scrappy's surgery

The house is settling down after a busy week.  I feel like I'm finally getting caught up on the sleep I missed this week, but my whole sleep schedule is out the window :/

Tuesday night I had to call the hospital to find out what time Scrappy's surgery was.  Beau was going to stay at my sister's for the night since we usually have a 6am report time and Beau still had school.  (She's already missed enough.  I kept her home all of Thanksgiving week because it was a short week and we were trying to prepare the kids for what to expect at the funeral.)  We tentatively planned for her to stay there Wednesday night too since we didn't know if the surgery would be inpatient or outpatient (it was initially scheduled for outpatient).  Very glad we, too!!

He was scheduled to report at 12:30 pm.  Most adults would have trouble fasting that long, let alone a 3 1/2 year old!  He couldn't have anything after 4:30 am, and I wasn't sure how we were going to handle it at first.  After discussing it with my hubby, we decided to keep Scrappy up as late as possible.  Then he would be able to eat later and would hopefully sleep until we had to leave.  And it worked!  He crashed about 2 am and slept until we woke him up to get him ready.  Long story short, because of an emergency being squeezed in ahead of him, Scrappy didn't end up getting taken back for surgery until 4:30pm.  We felt so bad for the little guy, not being able to eat or drink anything.  Since he got out of surgery so late, he ended up being inpatient.

Of course, he didn't want to sleep in the big hospital bed by himself - he wanted Mommy to snuggle with him.  That was one of the worst night's sleep I've had in a long time - only being able to sleep on one side, being woken several times a night either by nurses checking on him, giving him nebby treatments, or him kicking me.  I looked forward to sleeping in my own bed Thursday night.  He ended up sleeping between us so he wouldn't bump his nose on anything and so we could keep him elevated.  Here's Scraps with his Buppy (puppy-bear), who went into surgery with him

And Big Bear.

For the next 2 weeks, the little man is supposed to take it easy - no rough housing or overexertion.  Which means no playing in the snow we finally got.  I'm not sure of the official count, but as of 8:30 am yesterday we had 4 inches of snow, and it kept snowing lightly all day.

This is the view out our back door.


I was hoping things would turn around yesterday and I'd get a much-needed break in luck.  I had no plans to leave the house since Beau was home because of Staff Development Day.

Yeah right.  I should know better.

It seemed most things I tried to do yesterday backfired on me.  I went out to try to snow blow the patio, driveways, and sidewalks since hubby had been at work all day.  I tried several times but just couldn't get it started, so I gave up and shoveled some by hand.  When hubby got home, he got it started right away (apparently the circuit to the outlet wasn't turned on.  I didn't know it wasn't on).  When I came in from shoveling, I thought coffee sounded great - and then the filter capsized and got grounds in my coffee :/  Grrrr.

Comfort food for supper - potato soup and baking powder biscuits.... Made them so many times, didn't think I could ever mess those two up.

Hahaha - again, yeah right!

I was distracted talking to my buddy while I was making the biscuits - and totally screwed them up by not adding enough flour.  Of course, I didn't realize it until after I added the liquids.  So instead of light and fluffy biscuits, they were kinda flat.  At least they still tasted good!!

The conversation I'd been having all day with my kids continued after my buddy left and I was finishing up the soup.

Beau: MOOOOM!!  Scrappy is doing it again (annoying her or getting into something of hers)
Me:  Scrappy stop it!
Scrappy: Mommy! My want UP!
Me:  I'm trying to ______ (make supper).  Go play with your (monster trucks/cars/puzzles/trains)
Scrappy:  My not like you.  My want Daddy.
Beau: MOM!  He's doing it again!!
and on and on and on.

As a result of Mama being distracted, thickening up the soup didn't go as planned.  I thought it looked kind of odd as I added the corn starch to the soup - why was it foaming up so much?  And it's not thickening up - how much more do I need to add.

Then I looked in my hand - and realized I had grabbed the baking powder instead of the corn starch!  Really?? UGH!  At least the soup still came out tasting good.

Today Scrappy had a bit of a fever and hubby worked all day, so we just had a quiet day at home.  I didn't get much done today, but that's ok.  I got my workout in - I only missed Wednesday and Thursday doing them this week, but have done more than an hour most other days :)  Looking forward to TOPS weigh in next week!!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Letting Go.....

After spending all morning in class, I went to see a dear friend and offer my condolences as she said goodbye to her brother.  He had also been a good friend many years ago before we lost touch.  It's still hard to believe he's gone. It's harder still to try to understand why...  I paid my respects, gave my love to his parents and siblings, and I had to leave.  It's just too soon for me.  This hits so close to home, and my wounds are still healing.... I think they will be for a long time....

I have avoided writing about this because I didn't know what I wanted to say.  I didn't know how to express my feelings on this and it was still too fresh, and too tender a topic.

I have never knew an emotional pain could hurt so much more than any physical pain before.  I never knew how much my heart could hurt, yes - physically hurt - until I had to say goodbye to my baby boy.

When we were at the NICU that Friday - and he coded - all I could say is No - no - no.  I wasn't going to lose my baby.  They needed to do whatever they could.  I couldn't give up on him.  I couldn't lose him.  He couldn't die.  We needed him.  We wanted him.  I needed him.  I wanted him.  I loved him.  All I wanted was for him to come home.  To snuggle up with him and take a nap.  To hold him after a bath, smelling like baby lotion.  To hear him cry or coo or laugh.  Yes, even just to change his diapers and to wake up in the middle of the night to feed him.  All the things a mommy should do.  All the things many new moms complain about because they don't get enough sleep.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to be the one who is waking several times a night to care for my little boy.  My little Baden. My little angel.... and our Little Warrior.

When the nurse came to get us that last night, my heart sank into my stomach as soon as I heard the knock on the door.  When we entered the NICU and saw them working on him again, I wanted to scream.  I wanted to not see the numbers and the lines and hear the warning beeps of the equipment.  I knew from the look on the doctor's face what she was going to say....  I told her not to tell me they're doing 'everything' they can until they had done everything they could.  So I knew when she approached us that this was it.

It wasn't fair, the pressure I put on my husband.  We both knew that Baden was tired, that his body was tired, and he was in pain in spite of the medications.  We were told that we could have them remove his breathing tube and let him go on his terms, or he would keep having seizures and coding until that killed him.  We had to do the right thing.  But I just couldn't bring myself to say it was time to let my little boy go.  My hubby would have to decide it was time.

I have never seen anyone die before.  I was scared.  I was hurting.  I didn't know what was happening.  After they removed the tube and most of the IVs, I wrapped him up in his blanket better and just held him.  I snuggled him, told him how much I loved him, covered his little forehead with kisses.  After some time, I told the nurses that they had to take out the rest of the IVs and tubes.  He needed to be held as any baby should be - no tubes, no wires, no lines.  Just Mama and her baby.

My husband sat beside me.  He and I held Baden's hands, kissed his forehead and cheeks.  Told him how much we loved him.  Told him we didn't want him to hurt, didn't want him to suffer.  Told him it was ok, he could go, Mama and Daddy understood.  We'd be ok.  We'd make it through.  He could let go when he was ready.  We would be fine.  We knew he had fought so hard.  We were so proud of him.  He didn't need to fight anymore - it was ok... we loved him.... we would always love him.... he would always hold a special place in our hearts...

I still cry at night.  I still ask why.  I still think it's unfair.  I still miss him so, so terribly.  When I visit him at the cemetery, I know he isn't there spiritually, only his physical body - his shell.  But I still want to curl up next to him and cry.  I feel closer to him there...

It still feels so wrong that they make caskets so small.  And that the tiny ones come with a teddy bear.  It's so wrong that they dig holes so small.  And make headstones with dates so close together.

I know we cannot understand why God chooses to call our loved ones home with him.  I know we just have to trust that He has a plan and reason for everything.  I just have to believe that He knows what He is doing, and He knows what is best for us, even when it hurts so much.

Breathe easy, Little Warrior.  You fought hard.  You made us so proud.  Mama loves you so much.  I miss you more than you could ever know.  I know you're watching over us. 

I love you, Baden.







~Baden Scot~
~November 11-November 20, 2011~

Friday, January 13, 2012

Feeling Refreshed!

I really needed to get caught up on my sleep - it's been a rough week!!  Tuesday we had all-day appointments for Scrappy, plus I had my checkup in the morning.  We had to be there at 7 am, so I'd been up since 3:30 am.  No wonder I was crashed in my recliner by 9 pm!! 

Scrappy's appointments were just his normal CF checkups, an ENT appointment, and an audiogram.  His hearing still isn't where it should be, so they decided he does need another set of tubes put in.  He will also be having another nasal polypectomy and bronchial lavage.  This will be his 2nd set of tubes, 3rd polypectomy and lavage, and 4th surgery in less than 4 years.  The ENT also ordered a head CT for Wednesday so she could see if his sinuses were congested with polyps too.  His surgery is scheduled for next Wednesday, the 18th, and is planned to be an outpatient procedure unless she does goe up into his sinuses more.  Praying for a simple procedure and no complications!!

We had to be at the hospital at 8am for his CT, so that meant being up at 5am on Wednesday.  Poor little man had to fast until after it was completed.  Second day in a row that he had to fast from midnight until his first procedure - not fun for him or for us either!!  They had to give him anesthesia to do the CT because he was terrified of the machine!  Because of this, he didn't go in to CT until 1015.  It seemed to take forever for him to come out of it.  He started vomiting up mucus and stomach acid, since his stomach was empty.  That made for a really long ride home!  About 3pm his tummy finally settled down and he came out of it enough that he could eat.

My OB cleared me at my appointment!  I couldn't have a complete workout because of the untimely 'visitor,' but my doc told me I could have the last part of my checkup done at our local clinic.  She asked if we were planning to have another child.  I told her we would like to once we got the go-ahead from her health-wise.  She would like me to try to lose a little more weight in the meantime, which I have been working on anyway, but said as long as my last test comes back ok, there's no reason we can't start trying.  I'm supposed to start taking prenatal vitamins now too in preparation.

Being at the hospital 2 days in a row took a toll on my diet :(  At TOPS this week I had a 3 pound gain.  In addition to the eating out, I didn't get my workouts in for the past week since Scrappy hasn't been feeling very well and wanted to constantly cuddle.  Today I was back at it hard again.  I was vacuuming and picked up the mat in the living room, and left it up so I could try out Zumba.  I did about 5 minutes of it and OUCH!  I'm not coordinated - I'm sure it would give anyone a good laugh!

I set up my Wii Fit to do the entire routine - 81 minutes!  Scrappy was getting a little crabby with me and wanted to play.  I told him if he can't wait patiently for his turn, he wasn't going to get a turn.  I'm sure I'll be sore tomorrow.  It's going to be difficult to get my workout in tomorrow - I have class in 8-2 but am leaving early so I can go to a funeral for a friend.  Very sad for someone to die so young :'(

Another new challenge I've set up for myself in cooking - try one new recipe each week.  I get tired of the same stuff each week and am looking to branch out... Hopefully I'll get some new ideas soon!!