The Breaking Point

I think this is the point I'm starting to get to.  Not because of anything I did, though, or because I over committed.  Because of the frikken insurance company.

If they're going to deny Baden's life insurance claim, I wish they'd deny it already instead of dragging it out for so long.  I swear the woman from the company has absolutely NO compassion. 

How many times can they expect me to be able to tell and retell the events that happened that week?  How many times to I have to recount what I went through losing my son?  What kind of sadists are they when, 5 months later, they're still making me tell and retell everything that has happened with him??  They obviously have no clue the emotional toll this takes on a mother!!  They want to talk to my husband too, so he can tell them the same flippin thing I've been telling them for the last 5 months.

I swore I would keep my blog clean, so I am trying so hard not to swear up a storm right now!

My wonderful husband was not happy that the insurance lady made his wife cry.  Or of the many accusations that the insurance lady made.  He called, ready to rip her a new one, only to find out that she had left the office for the day.  She told me she wouldn't be in until after noon, but the secretary told my husband she would be there at 8 am.  He said she won't have a chance to even set down her cup of coffee and he'll be down her throat. 

I must say, I love it when my husband goes all pit-bull protective of me.  It's not something I've ever been used to before - most guys I'd dated in the past just let me fight my own fights.  Including my ex-husband.  But that's why they're just that - exes. 

I am emotionally drained - I am worn out.  I'm doing my best to keep my head above water, but I don't know how many more straws can be piled on the camel's back.

Gotta just keep reminding myself to keep breathing....

This too shall pass....

I'm getting a headache :(  I hope that decides to pass as well!!!!

My Crazy-Busy Life

I really don't know what I would ever do if I wasn't so busy all the time.  Have I mentioned lately that in addition to all my normal hecticness, I've added "Girl Scout Troop Leader" to my many credentials and time commitments?  If I'm going to be taking my daughter there and back anyway, and I wanna spend more time with her, why not?  I'm a Cadette leader and tomorrow she is taking the huge step of bridging from being a Brownie to a Junior! Yay Beau!!  I will definitely have to post some pictures!!  I know she's not under me yet, but we still get to go to all the events together, and have a lot of fun doing it!!  After tomorrow's ceremony (which our Troop Leader so sweetly convinced me to develop/write/orchestrate) we have our end of year trip on May 20, and maybe we'll plan a summer activity.  We'd really like to do some camping, which will serve dual purpose because my girls can earn badges doing that.

I'm almost done with school for this semester.  With all the chaos of my Scrappy losing insurance, and the endless meetings we've been going through, and the endless stacks of paperwork (not to mention how horribly far behind I've gotten with my housework!!!) I had to drop a couple classes, so I won't graduate until fall now.  I have one more class this semester and that will be the end of May, which isn't so bad.  It's only 3 days.

Then there's my business.  It's slowing down a little bit again - which is a HUGE frustration.  I'm hoping to come up with enough money to be able to do the fair this year, which would help me to get a lot more leads.  I'm looking for the chance to attend any events coming up soon to help get my name out again too!!!

And the walk.  This will be my family's 4th year participating in the walk.  Great Strides for Cystic Fibrosis, that is.  It used to be a 10k, but now is a 5k.  You can learn more about why we walk by visiting www.cff.org/great_strides/  We only have 1 week until the Walk - May 5th.  Unfortunately I'm a little out of practice and need to get my butt moving again... I've kinda been slacking on the workouts, but I haven't been feeling so wonderful - not to mention the S.T.R.E.S.S.!!!!!

Hopefully the stress will lessen soon... we got Scrappy's TEFRA application turned in with all the paperwork.  Too bad the life insurance company is still fighting us.  I need to call the information desk at the hospital again to see what the status is from them.  I told my hubby I think we need a lawyer.  I'm going to call and make an appointment with Legal Aid on Monday.

Here's a picture of my cutie with his bear.  He thought the bear needed to wear some big-boy underpants too :)

Have you ever seen a bear, wearing underwear, down by the bay? lol!

Exhaustipated

I wish I could take credit for that brilliant little word, but I found it on Facebook yesterday - and quite fitting.  I've been up every night, coughing up a lung from some postnasal drainage, so my AMAZING husband decided to let me get some much-needed rest.  I went to bed at 9:30 last night - and didn't get up until 10:30 this morning!!  Needless to say we missed church, but I can definitely say I feel a WHOLE LOT better!!

The last few months have been quite busy and many things have been going on... I'm still trying to sort it all out.  I've met with the counselor at my school a few times.  I've found out that I don't have a fear of failure, but I do have a fear of success.  Who would've thought?  Which explains why I have trouble finishing things I start.  And why I procrastinate on some things.  Or commit self-sabatoge.  Like with Weight Watchers before and TOPS now... I was doing so well, and now I've started backsliding again, making excuses and getting lazy about what I SHOULD be doing.

I've checked a few things off my list, though, with the help of the counselor.

I've applied to Walden University for my Master's degree - MBA self-designed with focus on Project Management and Leadership.

I've also taken the first steps towards becoming truly self-employed.  Actually, I have my first consult with a client tomorrow.  I figured out what I want to do and how I can help people.  My business is to help people get their homes - and their lives - organized and under control.  Each client is like taking on a new 'project.'  I'm pretty excited!!!  I need to come up with a business name though.....

I had to push back my AAS degee completion to next semester now, though.  With Scrappy losing his insurance, I've been extremely overwhelmed with the amount of paperwork I need to do to try to get him on disability.  As a result, I've let a couple classes slide.. and now will need to retake them later :( 

I'm still kinda tired today.... thinking I should go to bed.  Hopefully I have the time (and energy) to update more soon!!!!

Test Results

I went in for my 'annual checkup' last week.  On Friday, I had to go back so I could have a fasting blood test done.  I got a call yesterday morning with the test results.

Not good.

My thyroid levels are low - again.  My doc did send in for a new dosage, so we'll see if that helps.  My good cholesterol is too low, my bad cholesterol and trygs are too high, and my blood sugar is high.  Everything is "just a little" high or low.  According to the nurse practitioner who I'd had my appointment with, most of these issues can be caused just by my thyroid being off.  It could also explain why my anxiety attacks have been more frequent

It's frustrating, especially since losing weight is supposed to help get the numbers back in check.  Even my bp was up a little more than usual at my appointment.

I go back to see my family practice doc in 2 weeks to see if the thyroid meds are helping enough and to determine what to do next.

I'm hoping for another good number at TOPS this week since I'm still being pretty good about watching what I'm eating.  I need to get back to exercising a little bit more than what I have been this past week even though I haven't felt up to it much (another side effect of my thyroid - fatigue).  Last week I dropped 4 1/4 pounds - bringing me back up to a 26 pound loss since I joined last year.  I'm aiming for 30 pounds total by my 1 year anniversary **fingers crossed**

CRAM SESSION!!

Yes, it's 3:30am and I am blogging.  Why, you may ask?

Cuz I'm a horrible procrastinator.

You'd think since I took a class specifically about time management, I'd be able to apply some of those skills.  But instead, I make notes for 2 weeks on what my project for my Project Management course is going to be, then spend the entire day (and night!) before it's due plugging away and finishing it.  It's looking amazing, but still...  I have to be sure not to do this with my next project (which I haven't started, but isn't due until March, and we haven't gotten the details on it yet)!!

I'm just taking a little break and letting my mind rest a moment.  It's not like I haven't slept.  I went to bed at 1015 and asked my hubby to set the alarm for midnight so I could get a short nap in.  Maybe if I get my powerpoint done and the paper itself thrown together I can get another nap in before my 8am class. (Yes, a Saturday class, but I'm done by 2 and it's only 2 days total.)

I'm thinking maybe some coffee or a snack would be good... just wondering how I'm gonna count my calories for this, being up all night, and not getting a workout in yesterday since I spent all day glued to my text book (when I wasn't doing this, that, and the other for Scrappy man.  For the most part he was content, though, because I let him play Monster Jams on Wii after watching cartoons for a while.) 

Well, time to get back at it!! :)

Progress!

Feeling a lot better!  My wonderful hubby brought home some cough drops and real Kleenex for me since my poor nose was so sore from using cheap tissues.  He let me just rest and he wrangled the kids for the night on Wednesday night. 

Even though I still had a little bit of a cough, I still went to TOPS yesterday.  I'm glad I did! I had a good feeling about the weigh in because I've been diligent about tracking everything I eat and been getting workouts in at least 4 times per week.  I aim for a minimum of 30 minutes, but have actually been getting an hour or more most days!!  There are certain show I just LOVE to watch, so I set up the Wii for Free Step and do that while I watch tv.  The maximum time it can be set for is 30 minutes, so sometimes when the 30 minutes is up, I'll reset it for another 20-30 minutes.  It must be working cuz this week I lost 3 1/2 pounds - yay!!!!

My total loss now is at 22 pounds.  The past month and a half before this hadn't been the best, but I'm back on track and hoping to be over the 30 pound mark by my 1 year anniversary with TOPS, which is March 24.  I think I can do it!!!

I've stopped using http://www.fitday.com/ because most of the food values need to entered manually and it's too time consuming trying to figure out all of the calorie counts.  A friend referred me to another website which is now in my 'favorites' bar and is an absolute necessity for me - http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ .  I love that you can join discussion boards and request friends.  It also has an extensive database of foods already entered, as well as exercises.  The daily goal already has subtracted out the calories needed for weight loss.  If you have extra calories left at the end of the day, or you 'earn' extra calories by exercising, it tells you how much weight-loss progress you would make over the next 5 weeks.  If you haven't checked it out, I highly recommend it.

I invite anyone reading this (if there is) to try out http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ for ONE WEEK and see what kinds of results it gives you!  Feel free to send me a 'friend request' (yes it's kinda like facebook in that) at mindy_shs.

And now I'm off to cram on my homework - I've been procrastinating too much on it lately, and now it's due tomorrow :(

Taking a Sick Day...

I know.  Mommies don't get sick days.  But I'm still trying.  Taking it easy and letting things around the house slide today.  It started with a cough and little bit of a stuffy nose last night.  This morning I woke up with a horrid sinus headache, coughing, sneezing, and completely stuffed up.  I took a couple ibuprofen, but that didn't help much.  I even tried my netipot, which almost always takes care of it, but not today :(

After dropping Beau off at school, Scrappy and I came home and I turned on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for him.  I set him up with some cereal (which he will only eat dry - if I put milk on it, he refuses!) and his PediaSure, and he let me doze in the recliner until that was over.  I turned on Umizoomi after that, and he went back to playing with his monster trucks and watched that while I dozed a little more.

This afternoon he's getting a little crabby and restless.  He keeps asking when Beau is going to be home and insists that we go get her now!  She'll be out of school soon, so he'll have someone to play with. I'm hoping he takes a nap after we get home.  I had to wake him up from his nap early yesterday so we could go pick Beau up, and Scrappy was not a happy camper for the rest of the night.  He threw a complete tantrum in the car, all through the grocery store, and back at home again.  I really wish I could let him go outside to play, but he's supposed to be taking it easy for another week still.  As it was, his tantrum caused his nose to start bleeding again.

I'm hoping to get another nap in too.  I cheated for lunch and just made a can of soup for me, and a pb sandwich for Scrappy.  Tonight's supper is just going to be leftovers since hubby is working late.  Scrappy doesn't eat much anyway, and Beau is pretty happy with a can of spaghetti-o's.

I am really hoping this cold doesn't last long :(  Hubby is bringing home more kleenex and cough drops for me tonight.  I'll be fine as long as I don't run a fever - if I do, then I'll have to go in and get checked since we don't need Scrappy getting sick!!